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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Wow.  This brings so many memories for me of seeing my mom be emotionally abused by my dad.  You need to get out now, before your little girl can be anymore scarred by this.[/quote]

+1.  I totally got it when my parents divorced, and it was like a huge weight had been lifted.  It took a while for us to recover but living 'independently' with my mom was an empowering way to grow up.  She eventually remarried and modeled a much healthier relationship.[/quote]

This is OP. Do you mind sharing how old you were when your parents divorced? Or how young these memories go back?[/quote]

I was 17-18 when they finally separated and got divorced (and it was messy- I mean my mom had to get a restraining order to get my father to even leave the house, she was a sahm so had no way of moving out herself).  I have memories and issues Darin back to probably around age 4.  My little siblings, who saw less of my father growing up because he got a job overseas, have way less intimacy issues than me, but we are all messed up because of it. My mom really regrets not getting a divorce earlier because then she could have met someone else when she was younger, and I'll admit I resent her for not doing the same.  So many times in my life were ruined by my fathers anger and caprice and it seems downright tragic to me that we suffered for that long.  And of course, it has taken me painful years of therapy and failed relationships to even start working through all the self esteem and anger issues he has given me. [/quote]

I'm the second pp here (the +1).  My dad moved out when I was 3, back in a year later, out again when I was 5, back in a year later, and was actually living in the house when the divorce was final when I was 8.  My mom was a basket case the whole time - really basic stuff eluded her (like me getting made fun of foe wearing the same clothes all the time, because she just let me dress myself and didnt notice).  I have bits and pieces of memories from 3 or so but mostly just remember my big brother (5 years older) trying to entertain me while they yelled at each other, and how emotionally absent she was.  It took a few years but by the time I was maybe 11 or 12 she had her act together and we became very close.  She remarried when I was 26 but he moved in when I was maybe 18 and was as much of a father figure to me as one can be for an 18 year old.

She sent me for a lot of therapy, always supported me when my dad was abusive to me, and she tells me now she absolutely flipped when she met my college boyfriend who was a bit abusive.  I just recently went back to therapy to deal with some different issues in my marriage and am still learning so much about how who I am derives from growing up with my father.  All of which to say, OP, some damage may already have been done but with the right attention and love we are all capable of healing.  Get out now, find your way, be open with DD as she grows up and she will be ok.  And ,maybe you'll find someone who can help you model a healthy relationship.  [/quote]

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