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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My son is like this.  It is exhausting.  But as he has gotten older, he has started to realize what I've been telling him for years.  Nobody will bother spending time with someone so exhausting.  I also make sure to tell him I will not engage him in contrary discussions.  If he wants to disagree with me, that's fine but I don't need to stick around to listen to it.  Sometimes I just leave the room.[/quote]

OP here.  Thank you so much for responding!  Since you live with him, how do you handle the day to day?  How do you make a simple question, just a simple question (without it becoming deflected at you, or becoming WW III)?  I am trying to think of specific examples.  To be honest, it is kind of numbing - I think becoming numb to it is a coping mechanism for me after all of these decades, sadly.

He is very self centered and inconsiderate.  All of these things tie together in a neat package that I would better be able to deliver if I had a psych degree.  His charade is predictable and exhausting.  His mother acts the same exact way.  It's awful.  Do you know what causes it?  Are they traumatized early on? [/quote]

I just no longer engage him.  I will tell him to stop now or I am leaving the room.  If he continues, I leave the room and find something to do (there is always laundry!).  He has ADHD and he has gotten MUCH better in the last year since he has been on medication.  The ADHD causes him to talk excessively.  If I were to engage him, it was like an invitation to continue.  He LOVED the dance.  I also let other people know- like my mother- to stop engaging him too.  My older brother is the exact same way.  My son is very intelligent and just loves verbal sparring about anything.  It doesn't matter what it is about.  He could argue about the shade of the color of something forever and ever IF YOU LET HIM.  That's the important part.  You do not need to engage in this if you don't want to.  It sounds like your DH had a role model for this type of behavior in his mother.  My son is just very verbal and enjoys the excitement caused by verbal sparring.  I'm an introvert so I need my quiet time.  I've found a way to get it by just leaving the room when necessary.[/quote]

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