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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP Here.

I think what makes it so hard is how non-remorseful she was and is.  When we were close to the split I was very angry with her.  She just said: "Get over it....".  She never came to me and said she was sorry for what she did or how she handled things.  Just that she doesn't want to fix things because she doesn't have it in her heart.

I felt I deserved a lot more than just that.[/quote]

You did deserve a lot more.  First, you didn't deserve to be cheated on.  Second, you deserved to have your feelings of hurt acknowledged.  My ex did the same thing. [b] I don't know what hurts more to this day.  The fact that he did it or that he never apologized.[/b][u] So it's a double betrayal.  We all mess up and make mistakes, but the behavior after is just as important in my opinion.  If she asked for forgiveness and was remorseful, I'm sure it would hurt a lot less.

In other words, you are not wrong to need her apology.  You may never get it, and you'll have to be prepared for that.  That's why I said to forgive her for YOUR sake, not hers.[/quote]

The bolded part is so true.  The way she handled it really hit me hard.  I figured out of any couple, if we had issues....we would be able to work through it.  She betrayed the relationship and then just gave up.  The cheating part doesn't hurt as bad as how it was handled......that crushed me.

And I understand why I have to forgive.  For my mind and for me to move on in life.

And I'm prepared for her never to acknowledge her wrong doing, apologize, or ask for forgiveness.  That is the kind of person she is.  Her loss....[/quote]

NP here.

You were wronged by the infidelity, then again by the lack of  apology or remorse or understanding of how deeply you were betrayed.  You cannot make your ex ever see those things or feel those things.  She may, in time, really recognize them and apologize for them, but she also may not.  The only thing you can control is how YOU feel and respond in your present situation.  You are doing a phenomenal job of handling that with respect to your child.  Now you need to focus on it for yourself.  Stop thinking about what your ex deserves or doesn't.  Respond to your ex in the way that's healthiest and best for YOU.  Maybe right now that means less "friendship" and more just politeness.  Maybe later, when you are feeling differently and more time has passed, it will be more friendship again, and maybe it will always just be polite + good co-parenting.  It's all fine as long as you focus on what's best for your own health and emotional wellness.

I'll note here that this is all easier to say than to do.  I'm struggling with a lot of spousal betrayal myself at the moment, and you're much further along than I am.  But the above are the things I am trying to work toward to heal myself.  Anyway, I get it, and I'm so sorry about the betrayal and your ex's lack of remorse.  It's incredibly painful.  You're doing a great job.[/quote]

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