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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have always realized that I will need more than one mother in my life. My biological mother does not fulfill all (or even many) of my emotional needs, so I have connected with aunts and other older women who have been mentors to me.

I tell my young adult daughters the same thing. I give them permission to always find other "mothers" and other mentors, because I cannot fill all their maternal needs, as hard as I try. And that's OK. They will have needs that come along, and I hope they will find the people in their lives to meet their needs, if I can't. I also want them to tell me what I can do to be there for them in a way that is helpful to them. Each of my daughters is different. My role is different in their lives. They are getting better at articulating what they need, and I am getting more intuitive with each passing year.

It takes a village. I don't pretend to be everything my kids need.

I learned the hard way not to look to my mom for all my needs. It just was not going to happen. I have let go of that and have branched out, and I encourage my girls to do the same.

Look around for other mentors, and in return, become a mentor to other young women as you grow older.
[/quote]

Thank you so much for sharing this.  I know I need to find mentors for myself, and have been thinking about this a lot recently.  (I posted upthread last month.)  I don't have any aunts or older sisters, grandmothers or anything like that.  I come from a very small, incredibly dysfunctional family. But I do have a daughter and I appreciate you talking about the flip-side and how I can encourage her to find other women to take on mothering roles in her life.  I have a hard time with mothering and I understand now that the root of that is my own troubled experiences as a child.  I am doing everything I can to be a "good enough" mother, but I like the idea to teacher her, and myself, that we can and should rely on others.  [/quote]

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