Reply to How to tell best friend who is struggling with infertility that I am pregnant

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[quote=Anonymous]This is perhaps the hardest thing about infertility: The feelings that rise up when other women close to you get pregnant, particularly close friends.

From my experience (TTC for nearly 2 years now), there's no perfect way to tell her. Although some ways are better than others. And just the fact that you care about how you tell her means you're a good friend who will be considerate about it.

If you must do it in person, make sure your friend has an out. Like a walk where she can peel away, or a short coffee date where she might be able to leave. Her reaction is not about you at all. If she is a good friend, she'll be happy for you and  thrilled about your baby. But she will need a little space to process the news. It hurts to see other people getting something you are doing everything you can to get. It just stings. It's not even jealousy, it's just sadness. Your infertile friends is not upset at you, just upset at what you have that she doesn't. It hurts.

A phone call is best, even if just  texting your your friend means she'll figure it out. She's going  to know what's coming, but if you schedule a phone call, she'll get to react on her own terms, in a non-public place, and can cut the conversation short if she needs to.

Do not talk about how easy it was, or how it was an accident. Just say that it was unexpected and you're still processing the news yourself, if you have to say anything.

Give your friend some space. She's grieving what she can't have, a loss you do not know if you haven't been there. Remember: It has very little to do with you. And it might not be easy for her to be involved in, say, a baby shower. That's asking a lot of women struggling with infertility.

And above all, make sure she hears it from you, not someone else. It will mean a lot to her that you went out of her way to tell her in person or over the phone, that her friendship is so valuable to you that you wanted to share your happy news with her first. [/quote]

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