Reply to adopting a baby that probably has FAS

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I don't know anything about FAS, so I won't even go there.

All I can say is to echo the sentiment of the person saying do not adopt him if you're not "all in." I think this young child could have an all-in mom. If you can be that mom, then go for it. But, to my mind, a 3 month old baby deserves a mom to take care of him. Not a loving auntie who will dote on him but consider him not "a child of my own." I know that's tough, because of course that is the way you're thinking, and he is not your baby--yet. But if you adopt him, he's not your nephew anymore really - he would be your son. You would and should be mom just like anyone who would adopt him. If you can't be "mom" and will always think of yourself as "aunt" then I do not personally think there is ANY advantage to a kinship adoption whatsoever, because to me it's not okay to deprive this kid of an actual mom.

To me, the FAS is irrelevant because either you love him no matter what or you don't. Parenthood love has got to be unconditional. And of course you'd still love him with FAS, but I mean, he could have any number of disabilities with or without the FAS. If you would resent him or feel burdened by him, particularly because he's not yours, then that's not a good sign I think. You need to soul search.

I think if you don't already love him so much that the FAS issue, of this known and loved child, is irrelevant, then you may have your answer already. Give it LOTS of thought. Try to imagine your life without him as your son. If you can't, then you have your answer. If you can, I urge you to at least look in to an open adoption, where you can retain your auntie role.

BTW, don't take this for advice. It's only what I'd tell a friend in your situation, but ultimately only YOU can answer this one. [/quote]

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