Reply to Hostile pre-teen: Any reviews on "The Total Transformation Program"?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here:  I told DD that we are going to work on communicating better and we're going to see someone who can help us.  Immediately, she said "no!  I love you... I appreciate you."  And since then, she's all about how she appreciates me (with a wink).  We're still going, but I think she is getting the message that her tone/words are not o.k. and I mean it.  This practice also has social confidence groups for girls and drama groups, so whether it is individual or group therapy, there is probably something that would work for us.[/quote]

That's good op! Let me tell you something that happened to me in my adolescence (I'm a 34 yo female). I had a HORRIBLE relationship with my mom and it still isn't very good. Well when I was about 9, she started pushing therapy because I had depression. I had been sexually abused and she didn't know about it yet. Well, when she talked about counseling, I resisted, but she brought me anyways. She would ask the therapist right in front of me "what is wrong with her? I don't understand her" and stuff like that. It made it really hard and it felt like it was all about my mom getting someone to analyze me and that I was the problem. I ended up running out of most sessions crying while the session hadn't ended yet. It was a disaster and only made things worse in our relationship. I lost all trust for my mother because of this.

It's good that you said you are going to "see someone who can help us". And about working on communication. You're making it about both of you and not her being the problem. I would suggest that she gets to have some control over the scheduling of therapy, who the therapist is and how often you go together/alone. Make sure she doesn't feel like she is going because you think there is something wrong with her and that it is to help your relationship. [/quote]

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