Reply to Considering going back to BigLaw -- talk me out of it

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Currently a fed in a relatively family-friendly job (regular hours except on large cases).  I have a possible opportunity to go back to BigLaw as counsel in a regulatory practice.  Two school-aged children, stay-at-home spouse.  Thoughts?[/quote]

I'm a former Big Law attorney, now a SAHM, and DH was at Big Law.  We moved here a little over a year ago for DH to take a fed job.  That job will end in a few years and our plan is he goes back to Big Law.  We have two school-aged children.

I cannot even get into how wonderful this last year has been for our marriage, and for our kids.  DH is around for dinner; around to help ferry the kids to sports, relaxed in general, and there are no surprises on the weekends--he doesn't have to be attached to his computer, waiting for something to roll in, because all the people he works with are not working on the weekend either.  And the snow-days!  It was like paradise; all home, DH heading out with the kids and sleds, me making hot chocolate and home-made cookies…I mean, I felt like we should be filmed in black and white, as we had stumbled on that happy contentment of those 50s shows.

Now the money part.  Yes, we took a huge drop in income.  We didn't live a lavish lifestyle anyways when DH was in private practice, but we did have a regular-sized home in an expensive area (so in that sense, it was lavish).  This was not in the DC area.  Now, renting our house supplements DH's current income.

I would work through the tax equation, OP.  DH made a lot of money in private practice, but the feds took such a huge chunk and then our state took so much more, it's worth checking out and doing the numbers.  I have investments and that further compounded the taxes.

When in private practice, even though I SAH, I had to hire someone a couple days of the week to help ferry the kids around or make dinner while I ferried the kids around--a further money drain.  DH would leave for work at 7:06 and get home not before 8:30pm and sometimes 9:40.  So from the kids' point of view, Dad was only around on weekends.

I see the DC area (we're in NoVa) as a bit of a fabulous Mayberry situation, because the whole town revolves around the fed schedule.  So for example, the kids sports are very developed here--I think it has a lot to do with that parents have time to spend with their kids.  (Coaching seems to be sort of a hobby with dads).  That's just an example, though, and I'm sure there are examples in other areas. Oh, like dads who cook (grill).  Dads with hobbies--not hobbies like, "I'm going out golfing with X client," but hobbies like "I'm making candied bacon in the green egg! (and then we'll all sit around as a family and eat it)"

So in sum, I'd say 
1) have someone (financial adviser for example) really go through the money part with you.  
2) Then think about the value of your time--your time to be present to your DW and your kids.  And the value of your time being "in the moment" with your family, as opposed to being half-present while waiting for that damn brief to come in on Friday or Saturday night so you can turn it around.

DH and I have had more than a few discussions about our intended transition back into private practice, now that we've experienced some quality of life.  It's unresolved as of now.

Good luck, OP! HTH[/quote]

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