Reply to At What Age is it Appropriate to Start to Talk about Dieting? (12 YO DS)

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[quote=Anonymous]Dear OP,

When I was 5, my parents started talking to me about 'dieting.'  This continues through the present day.  My younger brother was present for much of the conversations with me and certainly knew that my parents didn't want me to be overweight; I don't remember their directing any comments at him, however.  We didn't discuss healthy choices, but we had very few sweets in our home, relatively few carbs, and a great number of items marked "diet" (including Diet Koolaid purchased when I was 8, as a 'special treat' along with the Diet 7-Up that was a special treat for us once a week starting when I was 6).

I nearly died from anorexia and bulimia, onset when I was 16 and significant challenges requiring hospitalization up through age 20:  I am now healthy but still struggle against disordered thinking about food and weight and still believe I am obese (I am 5'5 and weigh around 120 pounds).  My brother struggled with anorexia and has passed out and been in the ER more than once from overexertion and dieting.  He is also a functional alcoholic (a challenge that many who struggle with food and body issues confront).  He is probably 6 feet tall and weighs around 150, I would imagine.

Today, my brother and I are both nearly 50.  I have spent years in therapy trying to work through and understand what could have motivated my parents to emphasize "dieting" so much and to understand as well the impact on me.  I've tried -- HARD -- to stop hearing their voices about my weight and to reframe the narrative.  It's difficult, especially when so many cultural messages reinforce the importance of being 'thin' (not necessarily healthy).   As an aside and for what it's worth, neither my brother nor I was or ever has been overweight with the single exception of when I was in college (having recovered from bulimia) and gained a good bit of weight.   Even then, at my highest weight, I was probably 140 pounds at 5'5 (and was also not in shape, so the pounds weren't 'muscle.').

Given all this, while I don't know why my parents were so concerned about my weight when I was a child,  [b]I can tell you that the memories of my parents talking critically about dieting and the need to lose weight outweighs nearly all others from my childhood.[/b]

OP, I know you want the best for your son and I know your situation differs from my own in multiple ways.  [b]I have shared all this, though, not only for you but for other parents who are tempted to talk about dieting and weight with children -- please, please don't do it. [/b] If it's truly a medical concern, let the pediatrician help your child.   You can provide an atmosphere of healthy choices and you can remove unhealthy options and model great behavior.

Please remember, too, that even if you think your son can't 'hear' your conversations with your spouse (and remember that their hearing is better than our own so when you think you're whispering or they're asleep -- think again) -- even if he can't 'hear' such conversations he can 'feel' the negative energy around body issues and weight and food and it can create toxicity.  If you have a daughter, she'll feel it too, but remember:  food issues and preoccupation aren't exclusively female issues. My brother's  a severe example but gyms (and at the other extreme bars) are filled with men who are hurting themselves physically and psychologically because of warped food issues.

Sorry for posting at such length, OP.  I know the situation I've described is extreme, but perhaps it can help even one family to think through the implications of talking about 'dieting' with their children.

Good luck.
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