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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]*sigh*. I feel resigned.  I am 44 and he is 42.  I'm being to accept that the bad decisions are never going to end and in all likelihood he will become my problem.[/quote]

He'll come to you for help?[/quote]

Yes and our surviving parent has recently started sayin " it's your problem now; I'm going to die soon".

My brother just has never grown up.  The problem with this is that at 20 it's cool to be say a ski instructor.  At 42, it's cold, tiring work that doesn't pay the bills and has no benefits.  Of course by then you haven't developed a skill set that will allow you to get a nice warm office job with benefits.[/quote]

How will this become your problem?  I think that this attitude (by you and by your parents) might be part of the problem.  If it has never been made clear to your sibling that no one is going to pick up the pieces of his life, then, no, he isn't going to care about planning for the future.  He knows that he always has someone to fall back on.

You cannot tell an adult how to live his/her life, but you can very clearly state that you will not (or cannot) support them if they fail in their chosen path.

(I'm the middle sibling poster above.)  My parents have ALWAYS made it clear to all three of us that our lives are our own, we can make whatever decisions we want as adults, but we are the ones who will live with those decisions.

That's also clear between siblings.

Have you and your parents enabled this poor decision making?  You can tell a person that they need to worry about their future, but if you don't also make it clear that they can't rely on you supporting them in the future, then your words are empty and meaningless.[/quote]

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