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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I worry for you. Had you met your now husband and he said "I'm supporting my dad and my brther", you probably wouldn't have continued dating him. Had he done this while you were engaged, you would probably have called off the wedding or delayed it a bit. Now that you're married, you're "obligated to help family". Do you know you can say no to this? I fear you can't without looking like the mean bitch who won't "help family". Your husband's dad and brother had someplace to stay, and now that you're married, magic happened and they are homeless and destitute. Your husband now has your income and your labor along with the loving touch of a woman to make the place feel like home. You will be cleaning up and cooking for three boys. The dynamic between your husband, brother and dad will be the same as it was when your husband is a teen. Do you really want that? You'll deffinately mind cooking and cleaning if your father-in-law and his son take two bites then say "I'm going out". You'll deffinately mind cleaning up if they won't get off their dead asses and help you do it. It's fine if you want to bring them groceries once a week. It's fine if you want to cook them dinner. It's not fine if they want to live with you and your husband. I'd be more ok with it if you had been married for a couple years and you had some household clout. Now, you don't. You'll just be mom to three boys and if you don't do what they want you'll be the biggest bitch if there ever was a bitch. You don't want that. "making them pay rent" won't work, because you. cannot. get. anybody. to. do. anything. If they were willing to pay rent, you wouldn't be in this situation. I'd recogonize the bait and switch that's been pulled on you, and I'd strongly suggest counceling provided by someone who shares your view on marriage. Normally I think counceling is a waste, but in this case it might help so that your husband and you see the dynamics at play. Your husband hooked you by being a good guy, then when you can't gracefully end the relationship, he's changed the terms while using resources that you have brought into the relationship. [/quote]

+1000
This is one good thought. You need to consider this OP.[/quote]

NP, hate to say it but I thought about all this as well.  OP how long did you know your DH before you married him?  What was his relationship with his father and brother like during that time?  Did you meet them?  What were they like and how did they treat you?  Did you ever stay with them where they lived (before FIL got laid off)?

And have you started having any of these "rules/limits" conversations with your DH?  How is he taking it?  SO MUCH of how this is going to go will be clear in little ways right from the beginning.  Does your DH talk to you as if he understands what a sacrifice you're BOTH making to take them in?   Or is he acting like it's just a done deal, that's what famiily does, and he's not leaving much room for discussion?  Not suggesting you'd turn the FIL and BIL away, but it really REALLY matters how your DH is approaching this.

Lastly, what's your money situation with your DH?   Do you both work?  Just him?  Just you?  Who is supporting the household, and what items will you be supporting FIL and BIL in (beyond a place to stay)?  Will they have phones?  Do they have cars and who will pay for gas?  All of these things need to be hammered out and gone over with them, not in a blaming way, but definitely in a "We mean business - these are the terms upon which you can stay with us; break them, and you can't stay with us anymore." way.[/quote]

Wow, that's a lot of questions![/quote]

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