Reply to S/O - anyone ever reversed a non-physical marriage?

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Reply to "S/O - anyone ever reversed a non-physical marriage?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I mean no snarkyness by this question. Can you describe or explain what it is like to be married and sleep in the same bed, share the same breakfast and dinner table, and then not have sex? Don't you even accidentally touch or brush up against each other, and get aroused? I would think that sleeping in the same bed you would be turned on enough? Or is it that you don't like your spouse anymore ore you feel contempt toward them? [/quote]

I'll try.  It started with over 8 happy years together in which sex was probably the least of our compatabilities.  We had it somewhat regularly (every 1-2 weeks?) but our happiness together really derived from other things (i knew going in we weren't sexually compatible but was ok with that, even though I was the unsatisfied one).  First pregnancy and DH didnt want to touch me even though I was willing/interested.  Very bad tearing and scarring of vaginal walls - OB even said he thought sex would be painful, but didnt think surgery would help so the only thing to do was gently loosen the scar tissue; combined with 18mos of nursing, a high needs baby who never slept and a full time job, and I wasnt that interested in trying, and DH didnt push.  We started again when we wanted # 2 and got pregnant immediately.  Same drill when pregnant, sickly baby who I nursed for almost 2 years, scarring didnt improve with second delivery, life with 2 kids and 2 jobs was crazy, I knew sex would be painful, and it was easy to just let it go.  The fog started to lift when DC2 was about 2, and then DH was dealing with some of his own stuff and it had been so long it wasnt like it would just come back naturally.  DC2 is 3, and unless you count the couple of unpleasant times when we got pregnant the second time, it's been 5+ years.

I dont feel contempt for DH at all, maybe a little angry about some of his issues and sadness that we have gotten so far apart, but no, physical contact with him doesnt arouse me at all.  Now that I'm feeling more myself i masturbate and have fantasies - I'm not asexual for sure, but he just doesnt play a role.  [/quote]

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