Reply to This is the 1st time DH and I have had opposite views on something important/ personal value

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm going to assume that his job is easily transferable and you're a SAHM. Do you plan to reenter the workforce? Would it be easier for you to find a job here or in the south?[/quote]

OP here- I realize the more details I give the more obvious I could be to anyone reading it that knows me, but oh well.

He's in a tech field that allows him to be in lots of different places. I actually don't stay at home but I'm on a 70% work schedule after the baby, but also my 'industry' is everywhere in varying degrees in the USA as long as I am open to different missions or types of work etc (NGO management/ public management)

I am glad to hear that having tough conversations can pop up more when you go from being a childless couple with a lot more freedom to having kids and feeling more tied down and all that comes with the new sort of emotions and priorities of being parents.

My family is in New England and NY, his in New England (and his brother is actually down south for at least the next 3 years -residency-, but they don't talk that much, its not a draw for him to be closer to his brother- he's not even looking within driving distance to where he is in FL)

We will see what comes of it, I think we can find a compromise of course I just am not sure how to make that happen without one of us getting everything and the other nothing (kind of like you can't turn left and right at the same time, there isn't always a middle)[/quote]

NP here. It really depends on the couple. There are couples who both have a dream to live in Alaska or Europe and they do it and their families get used to it. Or military families. Both partners are on the same pages and it works out and grandma and grandpa visit and get used to it. Then there are couples where one or the other are very close to their family of origin--it's an expectation to see their parents every weekend, for their siblings to walk in and out whenever they want (the way it had been in my family two generations ago when they all lived in the same neighborhood). Depends on how you feel about it. A wife my love the idea of her parents being a constant presence while her husband is reeling in the basement hiding from the imposing ILs.

I think you need to find a compromise and really talk to him. Maybe your DH is looking down the road and simply doesn't want to spend the next 30 years trudging to the metro, half the time in cold weather, to commute to work an hour-plus each way. Maybe he doesn't foresee big raises and thinks you're going to be struggling at some point with him taking on extra work not to give your children a better life but more to keep you near your family. Is it worth it to HIM? It is to you obviously, but maybe not to him, and he has a right to feel that way. Is your happiness as a couple and the happiness and success of your children dependent on your whole family being nearby? I ask this as someone who has had to give up leaving near my parents. They live in a very expensive place, that, if we stayed where they are and found a house there that would require an insane mortgage, our lives would be an economic disaster. [/quote]

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