Reply to How to talk to a friend dealing with infertility

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Birthdays are really hard when you are going thru infertility b/c you feel you are falling farther and farther behind while getting less fertile. So I would avoid getting too specific unless you know she would love a great new watch or something specific [/quote]

This.  It's hard to celebrate because every year I'm reminded of that year's loss, and that I still don't have a baby.

My friend called me on my birthday this year, which was just after a miscarriage (she doesn't know about it) and when I started crying, because it wasn't a happy birthday AT ALL, she said something like "you can at least be happy on your birthday!"

Which made me stop talking to her again.

Say Happy Birthday but DO NOT tell her how to feel.  This applies to whenever you talk to her, actually.  If she says it's not happy, or doesn't react well, just say "I understand".[/quote]

Does your friend know about your infertility? It's not her fault she didn't know about the miscarriage. She might be wondering why the heck you stopped talking to her. You probably owe her an explanation, in all fairness.

I went through infertility and had some sadness on my birthdays too. But it was much better for me and my marriage to try to get on with other areas of my life. Trust me, I'm not trying to over simplify this, I get it. I just think the only time any friend of mine would say "you can at least be happy on your birthday" would be because I'm moping around so much it's starting to drag her down, or because she didn't know about the infertility and therefore had no idea a birthday could be sad. In both cases, I'd give the friend the benefit of the doubt.

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