Reply to Need to know if I'm expecting too much, tell me what makes your DH a "Great DH" and "Great Father"?

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Reply to "Need to know if I'm expecting too much, tell me what makes your DH a "Great DH" and "Great Father"?"

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[quote=Anonymous][/quote]

You have a point, but I also think you are missing the boat a bit on some things. Child rearing has for quite some time been seen as the job of the woman, and too many men (at least judging from frequent discussions in these forums) think that means they bring home a paycheck and otherwise do the bare minimum. They see themselves as helping and society backs them up by making them feel super special for doing what women are expected to do, or for even changing any diapers at all. That is why framing it as help is a problem, in my book. Luckily my husband doesn't see it that way and shares the load, but he was really struck by the reaction from people when he took some paternity leave to stay home with our son. He said it was like people thought he was a saint for spending time with his kid, whereas while I was on leave no one batted an eye. At least he agrees it is a sucky double standard![/quote]

You're not wrong. And maybe this thread is different. But generally on these boards, I see it play out where some schmuck is complaining that his wife doesn't want to have sex with him. He makes sure to put in a few lines about how he's pulling his weight around the house as a preemptive strike against having his shit automatically jumped about how, *of course* she doesn't want to have sex because she's so overworked at home and he's probably a lazy pig. But his language is imprecise, so he uses the word "help," so now, instead, he gets his shit automatically jumped about how *of course* she doesn't want to have sex with him because he regards his participation in house and family work as "help." [/quote]

Not the PP, but I think this is one of those semantic debates that's worth having.  My DH is a great guy, on the whole, but we fell into a trap early on in our marriage in which I asked him to "help" with house cleaning, grocery shopping, making dinners...and once we had kids we talked about him "helping" with things like pediatrician appointments, making kids' lunches, etc, etc.  It really wasn't balanced because even though he was doing some things (like earning money and some household chores) I was doing more, without question.

Anyway--to answer the OP's question--I do think DH is a great husband and father, but this is largely because he has been willing to work on himself (i.e. balancing the load between us more equitably, always a work in progress).  And he tries hard--he really thinks about how to be a great husband and father.  Even when he misses the mark, I really appreciate knowing that he is invested as much as I am. [/quote]

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