Reply to Friends like to go out wife is a homebody

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[quote=Anonymous]Many of these posts have not been constructive, so I will try to be constructive.

1) many married couples have different social needs. These tend not to be a problem until kids and household responsibilities arise in a significant way and the spouse "at home" feels that s/he is pulling more weight while the spouse "out" feels resentful if s/he can't go out once in a while solo. What is needed here is an agreement of what's reasonable (for us, its usually 1 night a week doing something solo, whether friends or gym or work event--and if its gym or work I'm still home by wish), a PLAN ahead of time so that spouse at home can be prepared, get help, pick up dinner, whatever.  I think its important to have social life outside of marriage/home, but once a week is more than enough for us, and twice would be frowned upon by either of us, unless it was work.

2) There's not much you can do to encourage your spouse to go out--she's tired and exhausted (depressed? introvert?) but  it doesn't mean she doesn't need time off. I used to be intensely social, but having kids knocked a lot of that desire out of me for a while. I  found that when DH took the kids so I could just do stuff quietly around the house, or take a yoga class,  or wander around a coffee chop, i was recharged. So its great that you do this on the weekends, but maybe even one night a week, take over and let her know she can go out, or not, but you're responsible for things.

3) In your situation, spouse is pregnant and caring for presumably a small child while you are out. This is tiring and she may be feeling abandoned before baby #2. That's why planning AHEAD is important and in this situation, getting her babysitting help or company. If you do not have good babysitting options now, you better find them because with another kid on the way you'll need it.

4) Are you planning time with the two of you? Its very hard to balance work lives, kids, social lives and  intimate time, but its important that you do so, Make sure you are not making an effort only to see friends and not to take your wife on dates.

5) Finally, there are ways of being home to help out and seeing friends later. I did this on Friday: got home 5:30, made dinner, put  kids in bath, got one kid to bed, and headed out at 8:15 to meet my friends for a drink, home before 11 pm. I'm older and more of my friends have kids, so understand the constraints, but this was actrually with two of my single girlfriends.

whatever you do, try to work these things out now, and assume that your social life and free time will be put on a hold after kid #2. It just will and you better deal with that resentment now. [/quote]

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