Reply to Son with ASD banned from Grandmother's

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[quote=Anonymous]It is not unusual for a child this age to ask repeated questions along these lines, without considering how it feels to the other person to hear it. Our DC certainly has done this, and we have continued to work with DC on understanding how their conduct is perceived by others.  That is a general issue and not specific to this particular subject.

I agree with the others on this thread that the principal issue here is with the MIL, not with your child.  Your child is at the stage of development that he is, and adults are either willing to understand and sympathize with his journey or they aren't.  Obviously, it's not beneficial to your child to be around someone who isn't able to cut him some slack for where he is developmentally.  And I would certainly hope that any sensitive adult would see these questions as actually expressing concern about your grandmother.  Truly, if she really thought about it, she would be overjoyed that a child with social cognition challenges thinks enough about her to care about whether she is sad.  That is gold.

My recommendation would be to approach MIL one time, and to say -- look, this is where he is, we are working with him on his social skills, but we can't wish him into a more advanced stage of social development than where he is, it's a work in progress.  We hope that you understand that he is asking these things because he cares about you.  If you can bring yourself to understand and appreciate that, then we'd love for you two to be together.  But if you can't, then by all means we'll stay away until he is at a more advanced stage.

This would leave several things unspoken that I think are very real: one is that you'd be staying away for HIS protection, not for hers.  And also that she needs to think about whether her sensitivities over the loss of her dog trump her compassion for her grandchild; and whether she really wants to cut a grandchild out of her life even temporarily given that none of us know how long we'll be around.  [/quote]

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