Reply to Cousins sent nasty emails to my elderly mom....

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[quote=Anonymous]OP here: thank you all for responding...it's helped me at least just let a little more time go by and NOT respond to anyone other than to talk to my mom. I WON'T be contacting any of my family because...well, there just isn't any really good way to go about it.

But. A few things. First, my mom was close to her mother. We lived on the east coast and my mom and aunt lived where they all grew up in California. But my mom did have a close relationship with her mom...she traveled yearly to see us, vacationed together etc, etc.... Second my mom only wanted the silver for sentimental value and only because my aunt said to her (unprompted when talking about her move) that she would be "getting rid of it." If she had said to my mom at that point that she'd be giving it to her daughter my mom would have been fine with it. I think my mom responded to her with the off the cuff remark when she realized that instead of being upfront with my mom she just planned to give the silver to someone else and not tell my mom.

The uncle was known as well by my mom as my aunt, and not well known by the kids in either family. My aunt got the silver because she was on a road trip with my uncle and they stopped by the uncle's house (after he was deceased) to say hello to the third wife and she gave them the silver to "keep it in the family."

Main thing is...the silver isn't really the issue. The content of the messages sent to my mom are what is upsetting. Yes, my mom should have responded more nicely to my aunt about the silver. If she felt frustrated by the decision she could definitely have communicated that better. But my female cousin (the one who was given the silver) wrote to my mom that she is a "bitter and unhappy person," and many other just really mean, and inaccurate things. Like I said, they don't even see her! It's literally been years since this cousin saw my mom. My aunt and my mom are "close," at least superficially. They spent two months in Hawaii this past winter together. They have gotten on each other's nerves here and there through the years but have never openly fought and my mom is stunned that aunt must have been saying crazy things to her kids about her. It has to come from my aunt because they simply have not been around my mom since they were kids enough to know her all that well.

Oh, and the uncle died 20 years ago too...the silver issue only come up at all because my aunt is moving to an old folks home (essentially) and said she was getting rid of a bunch of stuff.  I just can't believe these people who say such mean things to my poor mom! [/quote]

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