Reply to How to tell parents how I really feel?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I do agree with the PP that you should buy the house you want, and if the time comes that your parents need to live with you then you can renovate at that time - no need to do it right now. If paying for assisted living isn't on the table, then it's not on the table. It may be years before this even comes up. [b]Your DH rolling his eyes and considering your parents a charity case is really low, however[/b].[/quote]

This.  I think some of the flack that OP is getting is based on the sense that she, too, considers her parents a charity case.

Dealing with aging parents is not easy, but I think you really have to come at it from a place of love and respect and trying to find a solution that works for both parents and children.  If you resent your parents for not being as wealthy as your husband's parents, and think they are obligated to do whatever you want them to, then it's going to be much more stressful.  Don't say, "You need to move into our house so you're not as much of a burden to me."  Say, "We need to talk about your plans as you get older.  Do you hope to stay in your house?  What will you do when/if you aren't able to take care of it anymore?  Would you prefer to move into a smaller place with less upkeep?  What about assisted living?  What resources do you have available to pay for these things?  I'd rather that you make these decisions now rather than me making them for you later."[/quote]

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