Reply to Have you fallen out of love with your spouse and contend with just being each others' companion?

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Reply to "Have you fallen out of love with your spouse and contend with just being each others' companion?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]When I was a child my mother gave me wonderful advice.  She said when you find a partner, look for someone who you are good friends with in addition to being in love.  Your love will wax and wane over time, but a good friendship will provide you a good foundation for when your love is at its ebb.  But if both partners like each other and are committed, the love with return.

I didn't find my partner until I was in my 30's, but now 14.5 years later including 12 years of marriage, we are still devoted to each other and love each other dearly.  We've had some rocky times, but as my mother said, our friendship sustained us through those (short) periods and our love feels as strong as it did on the day that I said "I do."[/quote]

This is wonderful and I wish all the best for you.  But in my opinion, 12 years is very early going.  I do think marrying later in life gives you the advantage ... You were much more mature when you chose your partner plus you had many years to live, live, live as auntie mame would say.  I married when I was 20 ... Possibly a factor now.[/quote]

My parents embody this sentiment and taught me what good friendship and partnership means.  Last month, they celebrated their 57th anniversary.  My parents were 31 and 25 when they got married.

As for the maturity,  I think you are right.  This is my first marriage, but my wife's second marriage.  She had married young to her first husband and although they stayed together 14 years, it was much rockier for them in many ways.  They were high school sweethearts who married right out of college.  People change a lot in their 20's post-college as they experience a lot and as you/Auntie Mame (one of my wife's favorite shows!) say "live, live, live".  Her first marriage ended up dissolving because after 10 years, they were no longer the same people who met in high school.  They had evolved into more mature people who rather than being adaptable teens knew more about themselves and the more mature versions were not particularly compatible.  They parted fairly amicably, but it was still hard.  Now at close to the same length of time in our marriage as her first, we are still much more similar to ourselves when we got married and more compatible than she was at the same point in her first marriage.[/quote]

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