Reply to H doesn't understand why he shouldn't sleep with other women

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It's incredible, but true. Sadly, this is where I find myself after 15+ years of marriage. [b]There are kids involved and I still love him, so I don't want a divorce[/b]. He says that if he enjoys sleeping with women other than me, why should that be morally condemnable? We've had a normal, average marriage so far, at least from my point of view. I told him that I need trust and emotional intimacy, and I can't have that if I know or even if I just suspect that he is sleeping with other women. This didn't seem to register, though. I don't know what to do. [/quote]

First, has he really cheated or is this just talk?

Second, you still love him. Why? Is it because you depend on him materially or emotionally? Is it because you think his daily actions as husband and father are completely separate from his philosophy on adultery?

Third, you believe it's best for the children to stay in this situation. Why? Do you think this moral equivocacy will rub off on them? Do you think your husband's disrespect for you is healthy for your children to witness?

I would recommend therapy for you first, by yourself. You don't sound as if you're thinking straight. 
Then you can tackle your husband.

[/quote]

OP here. He denies having slept with other women, but he carries condoms in his car all the time. When I confronted him, he said "it's just in case he comes into a situation he [b]cannot resist.[/b]" That really hurt me.

I love him because he is a [b]good man[/b] and we used to have a wonderful life together.

Regarding the children, even if we get a divorce, they would still spend a lot of time with him, so the "moral equivocacy" would still rub off on them.[/quote]

I cannot resist chocolate, so I don't buy any. IS your DH suggesting that a sexy woman is going to jump him and he won't be able to say no? What a LOSER. He is NOT a good man. Good men don't do this.

You either accept that he WILL cheat on you or you divorce him. Since you are reluctant to divorce, he knows this and will continue to be disrespectful to you by cheating on you or flirting with other women. What kind of message are you sending to your children? They will grow up thinking that this is what marriage is like and that is NOT acceptable.

Kids aren't stupid. They will figure out your DH is sleeping with other men and you passively accept it.

Get therapy to figure out why you are a doormat.

Frankly, I wouldn't want to have sex with someone who could be carrying around a disease. Nor would I want to have sex with someone who had been unfaithful to me.

I agree with the Lorena Bobbit poster. Actually, I told my DH this in front of his mother and she laughed! I don't put up with cheaters and neither does he.[/quote]

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