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[quote=Anonymous]Hi OP----I know exactly what you are saying.  We adopted older kids (siblings) and one has been a very very tough slog--to the point that I often question why the hell it is that I actually thought this would be a good idea (and even though friends and family constantly give me positive feedback about what a good job DH and I appear to be doing).

I think the PP who are suggesting the neuro-psych are spot-on.  The truth is, depending upon the situation from which you adopted, your child may have complications from pre-natal exposures that only really begin to manifest as a child moves out of toddlerdom.  Some of the things you are describing---the not listening, the delays, the constant oppositional behavior---are symptomatic of pre-natal alcohol exposure issues.  Work to find a therapist who specializes in adopted kids---for a kid with FASD or reactive attachment disorder issues---you need a therapist that has a deep well of experience---we had to shop around before we found a therapist who was truly experienced.  I second the recommendation for CASE.  Adoptions Together's post-placement department may also have references.

And you know what---it's healthy to be honest---especially when you can vent to an anonymous board.  And the truth is, no amount of preadoption and information training can prepare prospective parents for the day to day life of living with an FASD or attachment-disordered child.   It is like living in a war zone---you never know what is going to trigger a screaming meltdown.   For me at least, I can derive enough "good" parenting moments from my more neuro-typical child to help me survive all of the really miserable times with my more challenging one.

Hug to you.  [/quote]

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