Reply to How hard should I try to keep dad involved?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]13:13, I have a similar situation and have made similar choices, with the exception of formal legal action. I've consulted a few attorneys but my situation is unique and it was difficult to get specific advice. DC is 2 yo and I'm trying to decide how to proceed. Would you be comfortable chatting offline?[/quote]

I didn't do much honestly. We still have joint legal, it's just that the state our order is in sets things up for parallel parenting rather than co-parenting. So I have to inform him, but I don't have to consult with him. There are no restrictions on travel or moving (there were initially), I don't even have to notify him if we take a trip out of state. For all practical purposes, I have sole legal during my time with DC and if he took time with DC, he would too.

I was told that it will be almost impossible to get sole legal or reduced visitation at this point, so I've just worked on putting notification requirements into the parenting plan (ie, summer/holiday visit has to be confirmed by X date or it doesn't happen, he pays for travel and I reimburse him 50%, all arrangements finalized 30 days in advance or no go, he does all travel and I do none, etc). Some of these, the judge ordered above and beyond what I was requesting since XH was such an ass in court. I did not go back to court just to get these requirements put in, we were there for another reason and I went ahead and asked for them in addition to the major modification.

And I don't remind him when he has visitation time coming up. If he contacts me, I absolutely make DC available...if the conditions in the custody order have been met. Polite, calm, "DC would be thrilled to see you! Let me know by X date what the plans are." and then I never hear any follow-up. I refuse to pay for or plan his visits (esp since he owes 5 figures in back child support). The ball is in his court, I take my cues from him at this point.

It's not a perfect solution, but it's working for now. I do have a lawyer sort of 'on call' and a savings account just in case he drags me back to court. In a few years, I'll probably file to modify the order again and go for sole legal (or step-parent adoption, since I'm remarried). [/quote]

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