Reply to Has a male boss ever told you to be "nicer"?

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, please be honest with yourself.  Are you a bit tone deaf?  If someone is trying to help you, you indulge them a bit in the history (s/he is interested/excited by what s/he does--good--any SES should encourage) and then you say something like "That helps me understand better.  I am so grateful you are helping me--I'm desperate to get this document out!"

Every work exchange is not all business--it is a personal, emotional exchange as well.  I agree that some of what you say is off putting and shows you don't quite get this.  Emphasizing you are senior executive service and saying things like work is not a day care are signs of this.

Are your emails all business?  If someone emails you to say they've done something requested, do you immediately email back a "Thanks!" Or do you think that's their job, so no need to thank?

I find that women who don't realize this get called bitch and men who don't are called jerks.  This may not be such a negative in the private sector where ability to generate profit counts very heavily and so personality deficits are more easily overlooked.  But in government it can be deadly--many of the people there have given up higher private sector salaries to do public service and in return they expect a civil work place.

FWIW, I am female SES.[/quote]

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