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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Reply to "Getting seperated...what is fair?"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Thanks everyone. This is very helpful. He is a bit of a control freak, and has anxiety issues. Perhaps, I have excused it a little to much, but I haven't been passive either. Conflict arises when I speak my mind, so I pick my battles. I think he feels a lot of pressure as the bread winner, and believes it entitles him to getting what he wants. While he has helped a lot around the house, I do feel he takes my contributions for granted. While he spends a lot of fun time with the kids, he doesn't help much in the child rearing department. That is not to say I am perfect, but certainly have made no major offenses (affairs or other). I am so depressed that it has to be this way. I don't believe you stay together for kids no matter what, but I certainly think they deserve a better effort than their getting. That is why my hope is that this can be done in a civil manner. I guess he's hoping to keep as much as he can. He wants joint custody, and[b] I am worried he will take back his word on not fighting me on that if I ask for too much.[/b] While I totally believe they are better with me, courts make weird decisions all the time. He is under the impression that joint custody is the standard now. Is this true? For kids under 9? I would never break my kids hearts by over limiting his access to them, but it is crucial I have custody. He just isn't equipped for it.[/quote] GET A PRO-BONO LAWYER NOW. Go down to the Courthouse, where they offer free advice on divorce cases. Call The Women's Center near you. I had fantastic lawyers and still have had to make peace with a couple of things and I was the one with all of the assets and came out with nearly everything I wanted. You, my girl, are going to be taken for a ride. His "control freak, anxiety issues" are no longer your concern. Wanna go into bankruptcy? He's giving you burdens without supports. GO GET A LAWYER NOOOOOOW. Watch First Wives Club and you'll have a sense of how you're coming off. Stop being nice. Give your lawyers the information they need. Then you get to be nice. Let loose the dogs of war, darling. This "being nice" bullshit will haunt you for decades to come. Secure your children's future. [/quote]
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