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[quote=Anonymous]I'm not so sure that the mom is really "loving this" and bus that messed up. I think her pride is really, really hurt and her sense of identity is threatened, in a way, since she invested so much in being a good mom and, from your note, it may seem that you are treating you and her ex exactly the same. She probably feels she merits BETTER treatment, and I'm not sure I blame her if she did most of the work.

What exactly did you say in that nite, anyway?  It seems to me you or your DH can probably win her back with a phone call explaining that you don't really understand the family relationships and were just trying to be friendly, but that you probably wrote things DH wouldn't have. FWIW.

My mom has a strong sense of pride and has stopped speaking to me for weeks and once a few months when I said something in jest that she took too heart. I don't blame her. It's the way she is built. She grew up during the depression when resources were scarce, and if you lose her trust you have to apologize and gain it back. But she is very strong and loving and protective of the people she trusts and loves. Try to see her side a bit instead of treating her, as others here suggest, as the crazy, desperate, controlling mother-in-law. It sounds to me like you really hurt her feelings.

What did you write in FIL's letter?  And in your follow up apology that you say was ignored?  If it was the wrong sort of apology, full of your own pride, it might have hurt instead if helped. [/quote]

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