Reply to Regret Marrying Someone with Kids

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP again - the other thing I forgot to add is the feeling of guilt.  MIL used to have no problem when we would go out of town to visit my family but now makes comments about our "vacations".  One time we planned to go to a wedding over Memorial Weekend and their mom announced she also wanted to go on vacation that weekend and told DH to take the kids.  We already had tickets, etc and it was not our weekend.  They ended up staying with DH's brother and his family and I felt so bad our entire trip.
I feel guilty when I ask that we spend a holiday visiting my family, like I am depriving the other kids of time with their father.

MIL insists that if she attends an event for the younger kids that the stepkids be invited as well so they don't feel left out.  Not always practical and also, younger kids are missing out on her attention.[/quote]

Stop listening to your MIL's opinion.  Also, you need to stop feeling guilty.  Don't listen to MIL when she tries to "guilt trip", simply say what you're doing, and chagne the subject.[/quote]

I know I should.  I just hate how it has damaged our relationship and often feel like she thinks I am to blame, or it is us against them.  We've gotten together much less frequently, it is awkward when we see each other and I feel like biokids are missing out.[/quote]

Your MIL seems to think that she's a co-parent here, and it sounds like DH is letting her.  And now that your stepkids live nearby, it's easier for boundaries to get further blurred.  Definitely stand up to your MIL, and don't apologize for it.  None of this "MIL insists" business is remotely relevant: "No, Larla and Larlo are with their mom that night, but if you'd like to join us, the invitation still stands!....You insists?  Gosh, I believe the custody agreement is what insists, but, again, if you'd like to join us, you're welcome to."

Bio-mom decides at the last minute to ask you to take the kids?  Her problem, not yours.  That weekend was her responsibility, and she could have stayed home.  No need for you to feel guilty because bio-mom is irresponsible.  You can't make up for her parental deficits.[/quote]

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