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[quote=Anonymous]

In terms of the last post, I will agree that you need to point out the dynamics of how your INLAWs treat your husband to him and chat with him about does he want his own children to have to see that kind of treatment and hear that kind of nasty, negative bashing talk???  It sounds like your DH has just made due by ignoring them, but the time has come to take a stand.  Do you understand his relationship, if any, with his brother? Are they rivals - or is it just the toxic parents?  Could it help to just invite BIL down to your home or to meet at some neutral point for a weekend.  The parents seem to revel in the discord they have set up between their sons so why not take it away.

Also, very important to set your own house rules about respect for both of you etc. before children arrive and the INLAWS start doing the same in your home and their own home.  One of my daughters has this issue with her INLAWS, and unfortunately she will not take them treating her husband, but comes back with a cutting crack that just gets the cycle going again when she can't do what her therapist has said meaning go out when they are there or go to bed early.  They are extremely demeaning to their son who is the nicest fellow, but in his case an only child.  Also MIL in particular knows well our daughter has extreme anxiety and is a cancer survivor, too, who works hard to keep her health in balance with two youngsters in early elementary school.  It just infuriates me, but little I can do. So I do agree to address it now with DH and if he does not set boundaries with his folks, maybe couple's therapy on the point would be of assistance. After 7 years of hearing about the OUTLAWS, I can tell you that you will not change them, but rather how you and DH deal with them.

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