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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Maybe I am oversensitive then? Her comments typically are like that, or sometimes more like she's stereotyping. Like she was concerned about my day care being dirty because the woman was Indian (you could eat off her floor). She wanted me to ask her about her cleaning routine. She comments a lot about the "gangs" in my neighborhood which is a typical suburban neighborhood that happens to have a latin population. One of the neighbors has a teenager who hangs out with his friends working on his car in front of the house and they make my mom very nervous. Things like that. Am I overreacting? My DH agrees that a lot of time her comments are innapropriate and my DD is getting to the age where she will be repeating things soon. [/quote]

I think you may be overreacting a little, but for the best reasons and I don't think you should feel bad about it.  But I don't know that you have  exclude her from everything, maybe just warn your friends that sometimes she says things that she doesn't see as inappropriate, you disagree with her, and if they hear anything that bothers them they should absolutely let you know but you also want them to know that overall, the grandparents mean no harm.

But I DO totally agree with and understand your concern about what your daughter will pick up.  And on that note, it's just really important to keep up an open dialogue with her about comments her grandma makes in front of her.  If you hear grandma say anything that your daughter really might repeat (i.e., if she's not coming right out and saying people from India are dirty, but is making a lot of comments about asking the caregiver about her cleaning routine, your daughter is not likely to pick up on that.  But if she's saying "Well, I worry, because she's from India and you know how dirty those people are!" then you definitely say immediately "That is not true, please do not generalize like that, every ethnicity has all types of people" [or whatever you'd say]. but then have a conversation privately with your daughter soon after and just explain that grandma sometimes says bad things about a big giant group of people, and it's not nice and you want to make sure your daughter knows that she should not listen to grandma on that.

I think it's great that you are sensitive to what your daughter and friends might hear her say - too many people have no clue about these things when it comes to race and ethnicity.  But Idon't think you need to stress about it, because based on your examples, she's maybe a bit inappropriate but hopefully if you give your friends a heads up about it ahead of time, they will understand that you don't approve and maybe talk to you if they hear anything that bothers them.[/quote]

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