Reply to my preteen niece is in a locked psychiatric ward

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I would really talk with the family about the child's wanting to "hide" the disorder.  While there are real issues about whom and how to tell, it's hard to feel better when one is ashamed to have a disorder.  No one who gets hospitalized for a skull fracture wants to hide it.

In consultation with the family, it can really help for you to convey to the child that you know about the hospitalization and her illness and don't think any differently about her than if she were fighting another chronic illness.  Then show over time thru your behavior that you mean that.  [/quote]

OP you are NOT a doctor. The above advice is presumptuous and over bearing. Don't, just don't.[/quote]

I am original poster of this comment to OP.  I speak as a family member with a spouse and mother in law with serious mental illness.  The most destructive thing that happened in our family was not the illness itself but the insistence on hiding the illness.  This desire to hide the illness was in part the desire of the MI person, but it was a choice the MI person made which was influenced by the secretive way informed family members handled things.  The implicit message was -- this is shameful, don't tell.  While, as I said in my previous post, the issues about whom and when to tell are serious ones, silence and secret keeping is really not a healthy option long term.  I would have been overjoyed if several of the more extended family members would have spoken openly and unashamedly about the illness within the family, of course, only in consultation with those nearest to the MI person (i.e. spouse or parents).  Instead it was hidden and thus treated as something to be shameful about.  This made the problem worse, not better.  It cut all of us off from support from the extended family and made us hide a key aspect of what was going on in our lives.

No one would have insisted that we behave like this (i.e. hiding the illness) if my spouse had had a major heart attack instead of a manic episode.  I would have been very happy if all siblings and relatives knew and treated the manic depression like any other chronic illness -- empathizing and offering appropriate support.

It is not presumptuous or overbearing to say, "Hey Sis, I'm really worried that niece feels ashamed to tell anyone what's going on.  Have you talked to her Pdoc about this?  Of course, I won't tell anyone, but I hope you know that I certainly don't think Niece has anything to be ashamed of.  Whenever you think it's appropriate, I'd love to see her or send her a card."

OP needs to get connected to NAMI and take the Family to Family course (also good for the parents of OP's niece). 
[/quote]

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