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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Each summer, the extended family gets together. Each year, my MIL insists on a professional family portrait. One of my daughters is ... unphotogenic. We have spent every single summer since she was three with her hysterically crying and screaming that she doesn't want to be in the photo shoot because she hates how she looks. Each year MIL insists she be in it, each year we force her to be in it. Each year my MIL bitches to DH and I about how DD looks terrible and ruined the portrait and have we considered plastic surgery, she's found a great surgeon, etc. MIL also talks to other adults in the family about it. So she wants her to be in the photo but complains she wrecks it.

To be frank, DD wants plastic surgery (but she's 12, so too young), and we understand why. Our genes just didn't mix in the same way for her that they did for our other two kids. The problem is, now DD doesn't even want to go on the family trip which is a week long, solely because of the portrait, even though she loves and misses her cousins and otherwise has a great time. Last year she had an upset stomach the whole night before.

We just got the email from MIL about the dress code for this summer's portrait, and DD has already cried hysterically last night about hating how she looks and not wanting to go at all. She never wants to be in pictures at all [b]and we force her once a year in case she's ever kidnapped and we have to give a picture to police (slightly paranoid, I know)[/b]. She has felt this way since she was about 4.

Is there any solution to this we haven't seen? It hurts me to see my daughter so miserable. [/quote]

You are aiding and abetting your MIL's cruelty to your daughter.  This stress and torment is so strong that your child has gotten physically sick from the tension and you still cave to your MIL's unreasonable demand that your daughter go through with such a photo so that her grandmother can then insult her to her extended family?

The easy solution is to take out your cell phone, and snap a few photos of your child in private the day before you go on the trip.  Put those photos into a private album on your phone and leave them.  Then make arrangements for something enjoyable and stress-free for your daughter to do while the rest of you are at the family photo.  If your MIL makes a stink about your daughter not being in the photo, you just respond, "Why would I subject Sally to your photos just for you to criticize how she looks and make her feel bad.  She knows and hears what you say about her and I'm not going to subject her to that.  She's at the library and we'll pick her up after the photo session."

[quote][b]We say thank you and then something like[/b] "We think all our children are beautiful" or[b] "We value what's on the inside of all our kids most of all."[/b] It's a very delicate balance - we don't want our kids to feel guilty for being good looking or whatever. When parents at school have made comments in front of DD/me I've gone over to them and very quietly said "She's NOT deaf," to shame them into shutting up which DH has pointed out is not the most productive reaction.[/quote]

Be careful.  The message you could be conveying is that you agree that your daughter is unattractive and not in the same league as her siblings.  Your first statement is better.

Another good one "All my children are beautiful to me."[/quote]

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