Reply to My MIL is just awful to be with, but DH wants her to be part of our family life

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[quote=Anonymous]She is always going to be part of your family, but it is your responsibility to teach your children that the way she behaves is unacceptable.  I would also call her out on it promptly, especially if they are within earshot.  You'd, presumably, do the same for someone who was making racist or other unacceptable comments in front of your kids.

I'd promptly say, "Phyllis!  What an awful thing to say!  Please stop saying unkind things like that - you are setting a bad example to the children.  If you continue to talk like that, the children and I will leave."  And then if she scoffs at you, leave immediately.

Afterward, I would always talk with the children about this.  "Grandma says some really mean things sometimes, and I just want you to know that she is behaving very rudely.  We do not say unkind things about strangers, and I appreciate how hard you work to be kind.  Grandma is a grownup, and some grownups can be mean sometimes, but we will not follow her example."

I have a similar issue with my FIL.  He is one of those people who is just verbally abusive every once in a while, to his ex and his kids, and they are all so used to it that they don't even notice it.  And the thing is, he's actually quite lovely with my son - loving and affectionate and attentive.  But he'll just randomly say something like, "What's the idiot over there doing?" referring to my DH.  MIL, DH, SIL, none of them ever will speak up to him.  So I do.  I just say, "Joe, you can't talk that way in front of my son about his father.  It's abusive.  If you say something like that again, I'll ask you to leave."  And he shuts up.

(For a few weeks, anyway.)

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