Reply to How to show elderly parents that you love them?

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[quote=Anonymous]This thread did make me cry as my dad is going downhill and has lost a lot of independence in recent years which I know hits him very hard.

For my dad, I do everything I possibly can to make him feel independent/valued/not a burden. He did SO much for me that there really isn't any way I could pay it back in the time he is elderly and needs help. If he voices being sorry I have to take time to help him I'm quick to remind hm of that. He can't drive, but he still has his license. I took hm to renew it because even though he and I both know he's not going to drive again- for him, knowing he COULD makes him feel secure and like he has options. He's on a feeding tube now because of dysphagia, but if he ever wants to "eat" (chew/spit) something I give it to hm no questions asked. I've yelled at other family for acting like the request is ridiculous just because he can't swallow it safely. The man knows- he doesn't need to be reminded. It's not often he chooses to, but the choice is his.  He's very sharp minded, in fact he's pursuing education in being a life coach currently. He was a psychology professor. The man is incredible. He was teaching neuropsychology at a specialty school 3 weeks after we came closer than we'd like to losing him as a result of pneumonia. If his nurses thought he was sharp from what they saw in the hospital their minds would be blown by his activities mere weeks later. He was still technically home bound but those students were practically begging him to take a break because there was so much detailed info that they couldn't keep up! I drove him & stayed with him while he taught because his endurance ech day was a little different & everything was so new I worried he'd need assistance. I could have been annoyed that it was time out of my day or that I was giving up sleep/etc. But I cherish having been able to really see him in his element at work in a way I hadn't previously. And good luck to my kids when they try to take the lazy route- better believe they'll be watching the video of grandpa teaching even though he was having trouble walking, had just had a feeding tube placed etc purely becaus he loves his work. His outcome is better than most partly because of his own stubborn unwillingness to let these setbacks "win" and partly because of the family involvement.

The ways in which you can show love is by providing what he needs. For most, that is time/respect/helping them feel valued or that their contributions are valued. For my dad that meant many things including making it possible for him to teach those sessions.

I haven't been spending nearly enough time with my dad but still more than 1x/week. Would strongly encourage you to find a way even if it is over Skype/face time if he doesn't live nearby. Show genuine interest in his life stories, ask his advice/help on things. Help him find a project that matters to him- maybe a container garden or whatever. For my dad, an ipad has also been helpful and keeps him in touch via email and giving him easy access to lots of distractions. ;)[/quote]

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