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[quote=Anonymous]NP, OP I understand why you are worried about the judging and the "Oh she thinks she's better than us" feelings that may well be there... but it's pretty clear you are feeding into the situation in a really bad and significant way by:

1. Dreading family events and hating going to them (there is no way your disdain for being there - no matter what legitimate reasons you have for feeling that way - is not coming through and coming across like a big giant sign that says "I SO do NOT want to be here!!!")

2. Overthinking and over-reacting to the mixed sentiments that others are expressing.  You are being too reactive, too sensitive to it and probably taking it all too seriously.

Trust me, I say this from experience as someone who used to take everything literally, felt like I had to respond to every comment, and who would get stressed if I thought people were misunderstanding me.  2 things I learned:

1. Usually, in fact those people weren't "misunderstanding me" at all.  THey were reading me exactly right, I just didn't want to admit it or couldn't see it.  and

2. If I just focused on the fact that I was lucky I had a family to go home to, a family I was familiar with (the bad and the good!), and that I should be able to drum up the patience and gratitude to be kind - sincerely kind, not fake kind - for a weekend or a few days, then after a few family events things actually got a lot better.

They got better because **I** shiften **my** attitude, and it really needed shifting.  So does yours.

Stop focusing so much on what they think of  you, even if you are right about what they think of you.  Focus instead on the good fortune in your life, and maybe also what was good about growing up where you did and with your family (there HAS to be some good).  Don't be mad at those who don't understand you.  Just focus on being lucky you have family events and look for some fun in them.  When people act all offended that you didn't say hello, give them a warm smile and say "Hey, look around this room!  It's so full!  I'm slow but I am making my rounds and I would have gotten to you before the end for sure!  How are you?  How is Uncle/Cousin/your wife/husband/whoever?"  Just be warm and not mad and not grumpy for being there, and most likely people's attitude towards you will shift for the better after awhile.

But I can only imagine what energy you dampen the room with when you arrive in this cloud of "Aaaaaaaaargh I really really REALLY don't want to be here!"  It's probably written all over your face and probably your family is bothered or offended or put off by it.  Not that you may not have good reason to not want to be there, but if you're going to go at all, try to significantly improve your attitude about going.  And don't take things so personally, even if they're meant personally.  That is a big piece of the "have a better time" puzzle.[/quote]

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