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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is hoarder giving, not normal giving. With normal giving, the giftgiver understands and tries to gift what is needed: in your case small things that don't add to clutter, etc. Hoarder giving is about control, not about truly wishing to gift.

My mom has hoarding disorder. I have lived this for years. It is not a way of expressing love. It is a mental issue. I do not pretend to like the gifts anymore as my opinion is largely irrelevant. I use Freecycle a lot and just throw out a lot. I resent the work it causes, but it is a mental health issue and I try to keep that in mind.[/quote]

What a great term: "hoarder giving"!  I have hoarders in my family too, and this describes it perfectly.  When someone goes overboard giving something things, it becomes hurtful, and if the giver won't listen or change, then it strains the relationship between the giver and the recipient.  It's dysfunctional at that point.  My hoarding relative would be appalled to know how many things he's given me that I have given away, but at some point hundreds of books is just too much.

OP, I was going to ask if your MIL hoards or compulsively shops.  If so, you're not dealing with a normal person, you're dealing with someone with an untreated mental illness, and all the perfectly reasonable things you might say about not having room in your small house just won't compute.  And the person will have a completely irrational response to you giving things away.  It is in no way your responsibility to let your MIL's problem clutter your house.

Talk to DH.  See if he's masking discomfort that he's held back for years because "that's just how Mom is."  Agree between the two of you what limits you will set, whether it's not accepting things or how to get rid of them.  Tell him, and I would emphasize this point, that if he isn't the voice of those boundaries with his mother, you will be, and it won't be as good.  He needs to be willing to respond whenever she offers something you don't want or when you get rid of something and she asks about it. [/quote]

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