Reply to My mom treats her adult children like they are still kids

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My MIL infantilizes my husband and it's really immobilizing for him; he becomes a pretty crappy husband when she's around. I put a moratorium on certain topics for the final 4 weeks of her last extended stay. (DH's cousin just got divorced for similar non-stop meddling from the ILs - kind of a cultural norm, however unfortunate.) DH has been dealing with dysfunctional family dynamics his whole life and can't address it in a level headed manor, so I've found that it's much more effective for me to put a stop to it.

[b]Maybe your husband can nip certain things in the bud with your mother? If your mom doesn't take you seriously when you say no, maybe your husband saying "no, not in our house," would get your mother's attention.[/b] We all get used to taking our family members for granted, so it's a bit more jolting when a newish family member, semi-outsider calls us out on unacceptable behavior. [/quote]

No no no no no!  What is the standard advice on this board when a lady is having problem with her MIL?  The CHILD must establish the boundary with the parent, not the in-law, unless you want to poison their relationship.[/quote]

That works if the son has a healthy relationship with his mother, which is not always the case. Some mothers won't take no for an answer from their son or daughter, but they will from a son-in-law/daughter-in-law. In general, I do agree with your advice - that each spouse should deal with their own parents - but when there's a history of abuse and manipulation, then the spouse who grew up with that isn't always in a position to establish and maintain the necessary boundaries, even if that spouse is otherwise a strong person. [/quote]

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