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[quote=Anonymous]I'm going to go with your own analogy. You said you try to act like a kindergarten teacher because your mother can be so childish.  The part of that that is working is that you are staying calm and not being reduced to her emotional level.  The part that is not working is that unlike a good kindergarten teacher, you are not prepared for the bad behavior that this child consistently displays and you are not enforcing immediate consequences for transgressions.

A PP's advice that you should never be in a situation where you cannot immediately get up and leave is spot on because it gives you an immediate consequence to reinforce the boundaries you are setting.  When you go visit her, she does not plan the outings. You plan the outings. You stay in a hotel, you plan outings that your kids will enjoy with or without their grandmother, and you stick with your plan. If the plan does not work for her, then she is free not to show up and if she is free to show up and make a scene. If she does not show up, you will proceed with your day uninterrupted. If she shows up and make the scene, you and the children leave immediately and go back to your hotel to swim in the pool.

When she visits, she does not set the agenda. She stays in a hotel and you tell her what the plan is for the time that she is there. She does not come to your home and spend hours on end criticizing/commenting on every aspect of your life.  You meet her at a kid friendly location where the children can enjoy themselves, you eat out at restaurants, and generally you do things on your terms in a way that works for you.

Again, if she makes a scene, you and the children leave without her. She should have a rental car or otherwise be capable of getting herself back to her own hotel room or house at all times.  You need to set it up so that you can immediately withdraw your presence at a moments notice. When that happens, she no longer has the power to ruin your day or even your afternoon.  You will have a calm, pleasant life. She will participate in your life in a calm and pleasant way or not at all. Those are the only two options.[/quote]

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