Reply to What if your child, who was qualified for their "reach" or "stretch" school, chose not to apply?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would conclude that it wasn't the student's reach school, it was the parents' reach school.  Let the kid apply to the very good other schools he or she was interested in, and let well enough alone.

[i]I would never force my kids to go to Princeton (DH's alma mater) or Harvard (mine).  [/i]They can go somewhere THEY want to attend.[/quote]

NP here.  No offense meant to any one poster in particular here.  But I have a hard time believing that most parent (legacies also) with a child who turns out to be the class valedictorian with the 2400 SAT, and the amazing, recruitable talents, would not at least [i]want[/i] or [i]desire[/i] their child to [i]apply[/i] and keep their options open.  Remember, OP is not asking about[i] attending[/i], but simply about [i] applying [/i].  Also, 16 and 17-year old [i]young[/i] adults still need a little bit of guidance and direction when it comes to big and important life decisions.  What OP has described is essentially a completely uninformed decision.  Imagine that your spouse came home to say, "Honey, I toured the campus of this great corporation, went to an information session, and I plan to leave my current job tomorrow and move us near there."  A college tour, which includes an information session of about 1.5 hour, plus a walking tour of about 1.5 hour, is simply not enough to make a decision without something more.  Did your child study the programs and curriculum of the universities?  Did your child consider how the programs at these places will further support and develop their outside interests in music, the arts, athletics?  Did your child speak to current professors or students in their intended area of study?  I am not saying that you have to do these things, but I think that the "the class valedictorian with the 2400 SAT, and the amazing, recruitable talents" would be wrong to exclude four top "reach" schools without more information -- and on the basis of only one visit.  I would suggest that she discuss the options with her college counselors, and ask them to put her in touch with some of the high school's alums who attended her reaches and other choices as well.[/quote]

Here's where this argument falls down for me. If you TRULY believe that there are dozens (scores, hundreds, insert your number here) of top-notch colleges out there, and if you TRULY believe that your child will be launched well from any of them, and if you have been avoiding the Tiger Mom syndrome and have been supporting your child's well-being and interests over Striving For The Top, etc., then you cannot also with a straight face argue that they should apply to HYP [i]just in case[/i]. If you make this argument, then you are tacitly agreeing with the notion that HYP are [i]special[/i] and that your child should go there if she can, [i]even if[/i] she doesn't think the school would be a good fit for her. I actually think this kind of pushing is very undermining.

Every other school that the kid likes or doesn't like is based on exactly the same 3 hour visit. Why is it okay to reject, say, Williams or MIT based on a 3-hour visit but not Princeton? Why the double standard?

Personally, I find this girl's attitude and confidence to be very refreshing. This girl will be just as impressive going to and graduating from any number of colleges that are not HYP. If she doesn't need this kind of validation, why does her mother?

Regarding providing direction and guidance to 17 and 18 year olds: This is not the same as a parent who says: "I want you to apply to W&M and UVA even though you aren't sold on them, because I want to make sure you have a top-notch option that we can afford." It's not the same as saying, "I know you love these 5 elite SLACs, but I insist you find 3 safety schools to apply to that you would be okay with attending." [/quote]

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