Reply to Three kids under 4 and I think we are headed for divorce

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Hire help. Scale down your lifestyle if necessary to afford it. Stay home with the kids for a few years if you need to. If you can coexist through the tough spots (years maybe) you will be better off than divorcing.[/quote]

Op here.  Staying home with the kids is quite possibly the last thing I'd consider doing.  I'd never get back in the workforce and would be devastated financially if we divorced.

I suggested hiring someone to come in for four hours on the weekends to help, but DH refused.  We do have our house cleaned every other week.[/quote]

Do you want to divorce proof your marriage OR focus on planning ways to protect your post-divorce life. Of course, you'd get back in the workforce. Women do it all the time. Maybe not at the same level or even in the same field, but if women couldn't find jobs post divorce, more of us would get alimony.[/quote]

I'm sorry, telling someone who's not interested in becoming a SAHM that that's what it takes to "divorce proof" the marriage is awful. It sounds like there are deeper issues than just division of work. Dropping out of the workforce is a very high price to pay when there is no guarantee that being a SAHM is going to solve their problems. For all we know, the husband doesn't want her at home and would become even more resentful if he has to become the sole provider.

OP, try to have a calm conversation with your husband about how you both feel overburdened and need to negotiate & on specifics about chores/duties and time off for each so that you both can refresh and get through the difficult young kid years. Part of this should include specific no-kid break times for each of you and regularly-scheduled couple time. Tell him that you think this will be more productive if done with the help of a neutral counselor, but if he absolutely refuses that, then try to do it on your own. Tell him that the situation is affecting the oldest and your marriage is in jeopardy.[/quote]

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