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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This could certainly be me too, how do you find the strength to get out when your worn down? I know I want out and I can't muster the strength to do it. [/quote]

I've been that way for so many years. I can't let my daughter get there too. I had an epiphany. He's not as scary now because I know what he says is bullshit. Letting go of that constant effort to keep things calm is amazing. I finally believe it isn't my fault. He still believes it is, but I am caring a lot less about what he thinks now. [/quote]

Im one of the PP's in this boat. I also do not want my daughter growing up this way. DH may be improving slowly, but I am beginning to think he may be too far gone to ever have a happy marriage with. I might be able to achieve "ok".

The only thing that really kept me in this marraige besides false hope that the guy I married would come back or even ever existed is the fact that I am completely financially dependent on him. I also homeschool our daughter because the public school system would not accomodate her and we cannot afford the wonderful private montessori school we swumg for one year to rescue her from the public school situation. She is thriving, but she also has anxiety and ADD issues. Its such a terrible mess. I hope I can just keep things around here stable enough for her while I somehow figure out a way to make a living around homeschooling, or at least get something started and eventually maybe she can re-integrate into a public school.

To the poster quoted at top, I think you and I will probably both need to figure out a way to rebuild ourselves while still in the marriage in order to find that strength to leave.

If I had an independent career, I would have moved out long ago. Im not sure it would have been the right thing then, but by the time I manage to do it, it will be the right  and only right thing.

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