Reply to do people assume your child is adopted when he/she is not? An odd "reverse" challenge

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Reply to "do people assume your child is adopted when he/she is not? An odd "reverse" challenge"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think part of the problem may be that you don't accept "race" (as you put it) as an issue.

I'm white and us get you are color blind, but your daughter does not look white. There will be instances, like you mention, where she experiences either positive (ie: you must be smart) vs negative (ie: your adopted) racism with respect to how she looks. You may need to stop ignoring race as something significant in her life and help her learn to navigate the issues she may encounter.[/quote]

First,  I did not ignore race as something significant in her life. The moment it came up, I addressed it.  I just did not _assume_ it would largely manifest in questions of adoption. Second,  I am not sure that I feel comfortable assuming that the status of adoption is always a negative. That is a pretty specific manifestation. Finally, as to "color blind", I dont know what that is supposed to mean with respect to anything I have said. I can see colors and so I can tell if someone is lighter or darker than me. I just dont focus on it as significant and never have. I dont think that makes me special- does it?

Now there was a REAL CLEAR instance of straight up racism at her first preschool where a little "white" girl was OBSESSED with Nico's race, calling her "half black", asking me every day at pickup why Nico does not look like me, etc. This was a four/five year old girl. It was unrelenting, and I would explain to her nicely and first, then bluntly to her each time. Eventually I just began to ignore her. I did not mention it to her parents. IT was my first preschool experience and it was isolated to this one child. DD and I discussed and explored the topic together, and created some closure. The second preschool was completely not like this at all. Never once did DD tell me of any issues. Same with Kindergarten, although there were some adopted kids there who were very open about being adopted so she was first asked the adopted question by other kids at her kindergarten.

So to the quoted poster I ask what is the purpose of your post? I get that there is racism. And I am posting about the issue. So far that shows that your premise is incorrect. Maybe you didnt bother to read my post. Maybe you are uncomfortable with what you perceive to be my "color blindness" or that I dont see "race" as you feel I should. Well, I put "race" in quotes because its a tenuous concept at best. Culture and identity are so intertwined into this, that it is in fact our responsbility to separate them whenever possible to understand better what is going on.

From my experience, it appears that there is a perception that there are more adopted asian kids than "mixed race families" that have children. BUt, given the statistics on so called mixed race families, I have to wonder. Are there more adoptees? In the DC area? Maybe that would explain the assumption. MAybe its not just what people want to see, but what they actually see, or perceive themselves to see.

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