Reply to Letting go of feeling robbed after divorce

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I really went through this for a few years and then I just didn't have the energy for it anymore. I think its completely normal to feel this way. Today, one would expect me to hate my ex after everything that happened, but I honestly love him again. Even when he's not being kind in return. I am thankful for the good things that came from that relationship, (our child, life lessons i needed to learn, experiencing love). I forgive him and I love my life again. He moved on to another relationship soon after the breakup, which made me wonder for the a long time if he ever really cared.

I think this is a perfect time to figure out what you could have done better. For me, it was to value myself. To trust my gut. That guilt isn't a good enough reason to stay with someone. To speak up when my feelings were hurt and be vulnerable. That being vulnerable is showing strength, not a weakness. To forgive and/or move on faster. That I am strong enough to handle another relationship/marriage and still give it my all.

I believe my ex was one of the best things that ever happened to me and the next man will benefit from what I learned. I truly believe that, which is why I love the guy. And trust me, this is a guy who likes to portray me as the crazy ex. I used to be concerned about him trashing my reputation with his family, friends and SO, but I realized that its just insecurity on his part. Without him, I would still care way too much about what other people thought of me. I had to hit rock bottom to get to the point where I just didn't care anymore, but its so freeing.

I wish you the best, OP, and hope that you will open yourself to love again when you're ready.[/quote]

[b]The world would be a better place if your wisdom and self-compassion could be shared[/b]. I mean that.[/quote]

Agree. I was just thinking this as I read the original post.[/quote]

Wow, thanks PPs. :) Getting to this stage definitely took time.

I remember reading an affirmation: "I forgive you for not being who I wanted you to be. I forgive you and I set you free." I used to struggle with that, because what I really wanted was revenge and for my ex to be punished for how he treated me. It took at least two years to say that without any resistance. Today, I look at him like a brother (oddly enough). We're family and always will be, for better or worse. I know that 80% of the time, he will be a decent human being, but he will have his moments. I know that sometimes, he just needs attention. His episodes have decreased dramatically since I've changed myself. From every few days to maybe 2-3 times a year.

For those who want an intact family, there's always the possibility of creating that with another man. You can still model a healthy marriage for your kids. When you're ready, of course.[/quote]

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