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[quote=Anonymous]OP - you need counseling - at this point just general counseling - so that you can accept and move on both that your mother is gone and that your dad while still living is for the most part gone from your life.

I say this as someone who has lost both parents. My dad - 30 years ago and my mom - 20 years ago.

Also, I have found that many, many times, that in death we often glorify people so that our memories are only the best and that we fail to really remember them as they were.   So I will echo what the PP said, you really don't know how your mother would have been and what part she would have played in your DD's life.  What if your parents had divorced and she became biter? What if your parents choose to travel extensively or moved away somewhere to retire? It's easy to say "that would never happen" because of course it can now never happen but the truth if, had your mom lived, you can't really say what she would or would not have done.

Yes, there are always moments of sadness here and there but it's been a long time and being consumed with what could have been or might have been isn't healthy. I do sometimes look at some of the nasty older women I know and very unkindly think "why them? why are they still here when they seem to hate their life yet my mom who loved life is gone?"  And there are times when I lament that my dad isn't here and how much he would have enjoyed my kids.

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