Reply to After 20 years, my Mothers absence only more obvious

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sorry OP.  I am sorry your father is not a bigger part of your life, as is the case with mine.  But also, I want for you to put a lot of the blame on him.  He is a free person, with free will, and he has chosen - EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. to let this new bitch decide how he spends his time, and to mostly ignore you.

After you come to grips with that, I want for you to let him go almost completely.  Like, ok, he's basically not in your life.  [b]But you have your own life - a DH and DD.  So F him.  His loss.[/b]  Not yours obviously, because what he is doing is selfish and shitty.[/quote]

Not the OP, but I have a similar family dynamic. Here's the thing -- many fathers,, especially from the older generation, just don't know how to express feelings and foster family connection. Sadly, these men often allow their wives to call the shots when it comes to family. I know that when it comes to my dad, he pretty much checked out and abdicated the role to our stepmom after our mother died. He meant well and so did my stepmom, I think. The fact is, though, that she preferenced spending time with her own kids and my dad did nothing to counterbalance the situation. He went along for the ride, and in the process he missed out on rewarding relationships with his children and grandchildren. A year or two ago my stepmother died. Interestingly, my dad, now in his 80's, is making an effort to reconnect with us, his children. It is a welcome turn of events, but I really wish it hadn't come so late in the game. There's no way to get back the time that was lost. Also, there's no way to undo the pain his emotional distance caused us after our mother's death. It is what it is. At least he's trying now. [/quote]

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