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[quote=Anonymous]I have two SN kids with two very different diagnoses/problems.

a) re sensitivity to the label - I totally understand where your niece is coming from.  I think all therapists, shrinks, etc. in the field are wrong when they say "you must label the child immediately!".  Sure, then they can start the run of therapy sessions, the meds., the tutors, and the "social therapy" sessions until you find yourself and child ground down by people who really don't know what they are doing.  There are far too many ADHD people drawn to this field who are taking parents' money and not helping the kids.  In some private schools, like the one we were in, you do not want to make the ADHD label known because the teachers label your kid and stop trying to teach them.  Also, you get the label as "difficult mom".  But your relatives are way beyond that.

b)  Having said that, your niece's diagnosis may be wrong.  We've had multiple tests run by different testers on both kids.  Do NOT tell the tester you suspect ADHD.  You want blind testing.  We recently got DD's ADHD label reassessed.  She doesn't have ADHD.  She has an I.Q. of 155 and has self esteem issues left over from being ADHD and has minor exec. functioning skill issues.  If your family is not completely sure about ADHD, have a full neurological workup done by good professionals (Yes, it will cost a lot).  Too many kids are being given this label when the underlying issue is dyslexia, exec. functioning, or vision issues.  Testing should be done every year.

c)  If there is still time and the parents have the means, try to direct the child to a school that specializes in ADHD.  Consider a fifth year of high school in private school or petition the high school for a fifth year of public high school.

d)  a 504 is worthless.  Your niece needs an IEP if she is performing so poorly.  You can sue the school district before an ALJ or go to federal court on an IEP; you cannot on a 504.  She isn't getting her needs met.  Your relatives will need fresh testing to get that.

e)  If none of the above is possible, please consider applying to a good university with a reputable disability services office.  She will go in with a "label" but no one needs to know.  We did that with DS and he would not have made it through the first year of college without the support given b y his college's disability services office.  After she is accepted (and yes disclose all in the application), you and child, or child alone if that independent, take the case file in to the disability services office long before scheduling takes place (spring before starting school year).  You can ask for a reduced load; a particular dorm room; priority seating; copy of the professors' notes; typing accommodations, etc. etc.

f)  Do consider a gap year for maturing.  Niece can take courses in community college.  Remember that colleges want to see imposssible GPAs, AP courses and "depth" of study.  If she has not taken calculus or advance math and science courses she should try to get them done before she arrives at college.

g) some colleges are reputed to be good with ADHD:  High Point and Landmark.  But I have not been on the campuses so am just passing on the info I know.  Both are pricey.  Very pricey.  I would not include Bard on the list.  I know of an ADHD student who bottomed out there and had to return home.

h)  there are many good resource books on which colleges have the strongest disability services office.  I really hate to say this (since your niece is so adamant about not being labeled) but a LOT of kids wind up in a good college and bottom out the first term and wind up back home due to ADHD/dyslexia/maturation issues.  Some just can't get up and make it to class on time.  If she is going to need support (and it sounds like she will from what you've posted) then you need to prepare for that with an IEP now (which you carry with you into the disability services office); fresh testing; and seeking out the right college with the right level of stress and support networks.

Good luck![/quote]

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