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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here -- husband agrees with me BUT is petrified of his dad (probably because of the "swattings" from when he was a kid!).  So is unable to comprehend saying "no" to his dad.[/quote]

I think you should say something like "Aiden is very excited to spend time with his Grandpa and we are excited for him to spend time with you but there is one small point I want to clarify before the weekend gets underway. We want to confirm that you understand that we don't swat Aiden for any reason and that you will agree to manage his behavior with timeouts." If he says he can't comply then don't send him but give him a chance to understand that this is a real issue for you. People soften up as they get older and if he's anything like my FIL, who spanked his kids, he wouldn't even consider raising a hand to his grandson. [/quote]

Please don't bother with this.  Your FIL is old-school where swattings were a common disciplinary practice.  He's not going to change and he's told you explicitly that he will discipline his grandson the way he wants in his house "my house, my rules."  So, you now tell them that their rules are not compatible with your family rules and so the grandson will not be spending a weekend with them.  Tell them that you will be happy for all of you to spend time together in other ways.[/quote]

+1. You know where your FIL stands. He was clear about that. Don't send your son.[/quote]

THIS.

My MIL told me once to send my DS to her for the weekend.  She would "smack him up the side of the head" and straighten him out.  Neither DS nor DD has ever been to MIL's alone.  When we are there or she is here, she is NEVER alone with them.  She believes in beating until a child complies.  That is not ok.  DH doesn't "remember" but MIL has told me what she used to do to him.  [/quote]

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