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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]15:51 again. My husband had a history of letting his mother and sister take advantage of him and walk all over him. He was definitely on the bottom of the totem pole in his family growing up since he is such a people pleaser.

Well, I am NOT a people pleaser, and I insisted on the boundaries. Sure, there was much wringing of hands on his part for awhile, but now he is very comfortable with saying no to them. It's awesome. [/quote]

OP here.  How did you make this change? Its been years and many different therapists.  His family is truly horrible.  I know they all need therapy together, but that will never happen.  They accept zero responsibility.  Of course, they hate me because I am so different from them and was treated like a human being in my family, unlike him in his family.  They resist change on all levels, and are very military like, manipulative and sneaky - to the point of being abusive (I know not all military people  are like this, but in his family, it only exacerbated underlying issues).

I am glad to know I am not alone.

[/quote]

This was our / my husbands family as well but they are not military. It took quite a few years of me finally starting to stand up for myself and my kids. Yes, protecting my kids was my final straw. I finally told dh at that time I would not attend his family functions any longer unless things changed. Also if the family could not respect me or the kids, then the kids would not attend functions as well. When I finally refused on Easter morning to attend, and instead put on my cleaning clothes, my husband knew I was serious and that I had enough. I think my husband also got tired of hearing me complain for so many years. Neither of us wanted to argue or fight about it anymore, as it was starting to effect our marriage. That when he grew a pair.

If I were you I would call the mil and be honest.mi would tell her that you all are looking forward to af amply vacation together but are inquiring about the sleeping arrangements. Tell her that from the past the sleeping arrangement wer not conducive for your family or kids. Also tell her that you all just need a little more room and if there is any way for her to reserve a larger room for your family of 5, that would be great. If not that you all would be getting a hotel or simply not attending.

Again my point is try to be honest up front so that you don't hold onto resentment any longer to any of the family members. All you can do is ask and she if she will oblige. If not, you can lie your head down on a pillow and sleep at night without a conscience as you know you have tried 100% if you decide to not go.

Good luck! It's a tough boat to be in, but your husband also needs to learn that he need to stand up for his wife and family and respect your feelings first and foremost. [/quote]

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