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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I used to initiate by kissing, pushing her on the couch, starting to take her clothes off, groping and other direct, nonverbal means. After kids and during a long stretch with a particular birth control, she'd push me away or be nonresponsive and, if asked for a reason, talk about feeling bloated or tired or not in the mood. As these rejections became more frequent and continued to sting more and more, my initiations became more tentative.

Instead of direct, nonverbal initiations, they became less frequent and more of the "wanna do it" variety. When she rejected those, there was often the promise of sex later. "Not tonight, maybe tomorrow." There was rarely, if ever, any follow through on tomorrow.

Now, the kids are older, the birth control issue has been addressed, and I have told my wife that our lackluster sex life is a problem in our marriage. I am making an effort to return to the strong, nonverbal initiations. I am also making an effort to keep going through the "I'm tireds" and help get her warmed up in spite of the inertia. But, if she just flat out says "no," I respect that and do my level best to accept it cheerfully and just try again tomorrow. [/quote]

Wife here.  That sounds miserable.  Is she putting in the same amount of effort? [/quote]

She puts a lot of effort into the family but no, not into the sex life. [/quote]

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