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[quote=Anonymous]As someone who has had a troubled marriage due to DH's many deep seated problems that manifested in addiction and denial, I can say I am one of the thousands not ultimately directly helped by counseling.

I think whether it helps really depends on a complex variety of factors, from the nature of the problem that brings you to the office in the 1st place to what those problems ultimately relate to an a deeper level. I just happen to be in very imbalanced situation with a very unlevel playing field. However I will say my last solo visit to our therapist served to prove that she could not do anything for me because I could not do anything to make my husband change. Which then prompted much soul searching and led me to let go entirely of the idea of him ever being the man I had thought he was and hoped he would return to. Its just not up to me, and I feel oddly at peace. Which I could not have imagined two weeks ago.

So had I not gone to counseling with him, I would have never known that he was misleading her AND me the entire time, and then I would never have figured out WHY had he ultimately not sought treatment for his depression which exposed the other much deeper probably unfixable (certainly by me) issues.

BY hook and by crook, the PhD counselor helped, but it did not save the marriage. The marriage,if it is saved, will be saved by the choices DH and I make. I now know I must choose to do what is right when it presents itself, but I do not have to fix whats wrong. Because I cant.

But my case is the kind of case it is. Its not garden variety post kid stuff. I still think counseling is a crapshoot. You get what you get, and you will probably need to keep looking to get what you really need.

OP you should try it if for no other reason than it cant get too much worse from where it is now, and you may be surprised at what you discover! Good Luck![/quote]

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