Reply to Family wants me to help them with baby #2, after tension. WWYD?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]A couple years ago, my sibling and their spouse had their first child. I helped out extensively for a super long time. I was basically an unpaid nanny to them for 4 months or so, and sparingly after that. After a while I made my feeling known to them that i began to feel taken advantage of and unappreciated. Their response to that was basically "we disagree. no further discussion needed."

this caused a rift between us. Now they are expecting baby #2 and are turning on the sudden niceness and [b]are using language that they expect me to be hands on deck[/b]. For my part, this will not be the case but I don't know how to respond that both is supportive/excited about child #2, but make it explicitly clear that I will not be there to help, at all. Their response when I told them I felt unappreciated still stings, and their sudden niceness now makes me wary. How would you respond in a supportive yet clear "no" kind of way?[/quote]

OP, without knowing the exact way they're referencing it, I would suggest that you plan out in advance (and maybe even practice so you can get the tone right) a few things you could say.  PP's had a lot of good suggestions.  Things like:

- I'm sorry but I won't be able to babysit for you the way I did last time.  Maybe I can help you research daycare options or nanny shares or...
- I cannot do that again - it wasn't good for our relationship.  But I do want to help out so was thinking that I could (then figure out some things you could offer - one overnight a week for the first month, or a weekend or full day of care a couple of times, or grocery shopping, etc...)
- When Larla was born I was so happy to help, but I let it go on too long and it created tension between us that I don't want again.

Etc...

It sounds like you'll have to steel yourself a bit for the conversation but hopefully you'll only have to say it once.  If you have some things you do feel comfortable offering that might help make it a little easier.

Good luck.[/quote]

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